This one is dated 22092013
It has been in my phone memo for more than 4 months.
"The reason I don't like people to be nice to me is because I don't know how to say 'Thank You'.
And I definitely hate to do something wrong to anybody because I 'm so freaking weak at saying 'I'm Sorry'.
Come to think of it, I don't think I ever said it (to human beings).
I just don't apologize.
These are the reasons why I avoid inserting new people into my life.
The more of them I know, the more I would spend time doing things together with him/her, ans usually in most relationship, shit happens in the middle of it.
And one has to apologize to make up and the other has to forgive or apologize as well. I'm good at neither.
Also, after some time, if the particular person really makes me happy that I can laugh just by reminiscing our times together, I don't know how to really thank them.
The fact that I'm an introvert makes everything harder. I can't make them happy any closer to how they do to me.
Most of the time I just praise Allah for including people like them who make me smile even when I am at my worst. But at the same time I want them to know how much I value them too, and how afraid I am of the thought of losing them.
BUT I SUCK AT SHOWING MY TRUE FEELINGS.
I don't know. Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm not bornt with sweetness and ends up being different from other girls.
I don't like it when I find out that someone is actually hacing crush on me or at least would like to know me.
Because I know, once he knows the real me, he will realize that he doesn't like it that much and in a blink of an eye he'll be gone. If I'm lucky I will be perfectly fine with it, but if I'm not I have started to like him as well and it will hurt me.
Some people can say the same shit like I say right now, but not all are feeling it.
I'm too afraid of people. I think I have anxiety. It's serious."
I wrote this in Abah's car. When I was passing a group of people who..well..socialize in their own way.