why getting married

Marriage I think is probably the biggest commitment ever.
you have to be ready for everything that may surprise you
you may suddenly get pregnant
you can no longer flirt around
you may realize some things when it's too late
people know you have lost your virginity
you can never turn it back this time

you can never undo a marriage, neither ask for a new spouse
there is no warranty in a marriage

sure, everybody wants a happy marriage. a happy family.

but you see, the problem with me is that, 
I've seen and met too many unhappy people with unhappy marriages.
some are literally close to me, they're in my house.

I know how things work after you get married.

some are really lucky enough to marry their first loves but many aren't.

I've seen what would happen when we marry people we don't want to marry.

maybe we want to marry them at first but after few months or years or few kids the marriage is no longer the marriage we wished for when we were dreamers.


things change, of course, but it's too much of a risk.

it's the risk I'm not taking.
I'm saying this because honestly the one marriage in my house is seriously the unhappy one.
it affects me so much.

I may end up not getting married but that's okay because I have a lot in my mind of things I want to do before I die and probably won't even be fully done until I die.


so I'll be okay.
I'm just not into this marriage thing, it's just too risky.

Another day of an ignorant daughter

I have been very disappointed with myself lately.
Mostly I don't really have the clue of why I feel so, but the most recent stupid thing that I did was..


For the past few days my mom kept wanting to go out, and go out with me.
I'm sure she has her own reason, but I don't really feel like going out of the house because I'm such a freaking lazy couch potato (is it couch potato or potato couch)
And though I feel bad for keep saying 'no', I do it anyway.
Yesterday she asked me again to accompany her somewhere and  I didn't answer,
I just basically gave out a 'hmm~' which I thought she might have mistakenly took it as a 'yes'.

I went inside my room and after a while I went out and saw my mom were all dressed-up and ready; just waiting for me.

It felt like a burden, I was supposed to just go and didn't even have to think of anything
But instead I still refused to go.

She was just like 'oh..' and waited about half an hour more (I guess it was in case I changed my mind) before she drove out on her own.


About an hour later she came back.
She gave me my finished baju kurung that she picked up from our tailor

I felt so very sorry for not accompanying her I mean it was like the first time she ever asked me anything that way and what's worse was that it turned out she was actually only going to see the tailor

I mean
What's the big deal
Just follow her, you stupid
If you don't wanna come out of car just sit in there
She just needs someone to talk to along the way
And you're the only daughter

How much of an AH can you get!


This is just a simple story but i feel very disappointed with myself and God knows how hard I am trying not to spill my tears right now.





It's just one of those moments where I feel like I don't deserve my parents.

I'm sorry.

hasnt it?

It has been long since I last wrote anything,
hasn't it?


It has been officially declared that we broke up because you cheated,
hasn't it?


It has been too obvious that the blame on you and the shame on me,
hasn't it?







Life has moved on,
hasn't it?