Sep 20, 2013

pelajar semester 1


'I get the point that I should leave you alone
but we both know that I'm that strong..'


Hari ni, 20092013.
Tarikh terakhir untuk segala kelas untuk sem ni.

Minggu depan dah start study week (which is more like study days because only 2 days wehh!) and final exam starts on 25092013.


Not much time left, eh?
Will start to get serious from tomorrow on I promise you. *fingers crossed*



So. Sepanjang-panjang minggu ni..daripada kelas hari Selasa,
punya lah meliar mata aku mencari-cari.




Mana lah kau.


Hari ni aku tunggu shuttle bus lama nak mampos, last2 aku dengan geng terpaksa jalan kaki, panjat bukit sebab nak pergi hantar assignment yang dah terlewat 10 minit tu. Waktu last dia bagi sebenarnya pukul 12. 12. TENGAH HARI.



Aku punya ketiak dah basah siap boleh tadah dengan baldi kat bawah.





Lepas selitkan assignment kat bawah pintu sir, kitorang duduk terjelopok menghela sepanjang-panjang nafas
dekat atas lantai depan pintu bilik sir.




Turun tangga nak pergi kafe, aku nampak dia.



Dia yang aku cari-cari.



Aku pandang dia, dia pandang aku.
Lucu juga. Aku terasa seperti dipandang, lalu aku berpaling.
Mungkin dia juga merasakan seperti dipandang, jadi dia pun berpaling.




Barangkali sesaat. Barangkali sedetik cuma.

Sempat aku tersenyum dalam hati.



Kami sama-sama terhenti langkah, tapi tidak lama pun sebelum meneruskan semula.



Aku sambung menuruni tangga dan menuju ke kafe.
Capai air kotak Dutchlady perisa coklat, bayar, duduk.



Sembang-sembang bullshit dengan geng sambil mata merenung ke parking lot.




Haih..
Sem 1 ni berakhir dengan begini saja. 







Sepanjang sem ini hanya mampu bermain mata.





Sep 8, 2013

you might have felt this but this time it's me



I have come to this point in life

Where it feels like everything I have done, everything I have decided, and everything I have chosen until I reach where I am right now,
are wrong.


Everything I'm doing is wrong, all that I have decided is wrong and this path that I have chosen months ago is definitely not for me.


And everything and everyone around me keeps giving me signs that I should stop, just simply stop right here. It's late but not too late, so just stop at this moment.


It feels as if none is on my side anymore.


And my heart finally agrees with my head that I should stop, too.



I almost fall onto the ground and just let out the most regretful tears I have ever held in for the longest time.





........


And then I turn on the laptop and on my desktop wallpaper there's me in the middle and on my right I have Umi and on my left I have Abah. And above all I have Allah



and then every pieces just slowly seem to crawl back with a great deal of difficulty to become one again.




And it's really hard but with all kudrat I have I am trying. With all, literally ALL, that I have left.




I have the most precious people and Allah, and I am asking myself as I type this,








"How can I not realize all this while?"