Logging off BECAUSE..

In about a minute I will shut down the laptop, and be offline.


Because I don't want to end my 2013 by being online or facing my laptop because it will sound so........not what I want.

So unproductive.

So bye.

I might find a book after this. 



End 2013 with a book, start 2014 with a book.



NOW DOESN'T THAT SOUND CLASSY AND EDUCATED. 

2013 ends in 45 minutes.

I swear to God 2013 feels like a blink of an eye.
Things are speeding so fast throughout this year.

I feel like not much has happened to me; which is a big regret.
:(

I should have done more, especially creating beautiful memories.
Anyway. I'm sure there are few remarkable things that had happened to me, I just need to dig every inch of my brain.


I'll try to remember bit by bit.

Early 2013, I was still working at the restaurant.
Was in relationship with J. Until somewhere in Feb (or March) when I found out that he cheated on me.
Got my driving license after failing the JPJ test TWICE.
Was scolded badly by the JPJ officer during the test on the road, I cried.
Later throughout the few months I was unemployed, I was doing almost nothing at home everyday.

Then I was called for interview for this Foundation program (after few calls from my mom).
I still feel that it's unfair though, even up until now.
I can't really remember the exact date of the interview, but it's around April I guess?
It was held in Kuantan and at that time there was this Big Bad Wolf booksale so we went there, again, for the second time.

After the longest time of my life, the results were out and I passed the interview!
Got into a U in Melaka.
Started to prepare things, and prepared myself physically and mentally.
My friend from the same (previous previous) school got the same place, so I felt relieved a bit and not worried much about how I would make friends.

Thennnnn my friend and I found out that we got into the same class to YAY!
That was the hugest relief I think.

To shorten the story, I shared the same room with two fun roommates :D
But there was a problem too (with and ABOUT them), and because it touched religious issue it was even harder for me, because I definitely was not the type to talk or give some sort of lecture about it.
I was really, really being easygoing towards most of my friends, I let them do what they love and I did what I wanted. But the problem that I faced at that time was actually very big, and I couldn't handle it alone (because they were both doing the same mistake and they knew it). Knowing that as a Muslim sister I was supposed to advise them, it was such a difficult time for me. 
And I ended up the first semester NOT advising them at all, what more touched that issue in front of them.

That was what I regretted the most, I swear.

Other difficult moments, I went through them well.

My final CGPA was B (or B+ I can't remember) and I was kind of sad too but wasn't depressed.
I knew I didn't try so hard.


I was satisfied a bit as I ended my first semester with new awesome friends and we are still so close until now and I love our friendship so much!


So in November I started my second semester.
New classmates, except 5 of them, they were from the same class as last semester.
New surrounding which I was very uncomfortable with during the first few weeks.

Later I found that not everyone was so smart, and anybody could come out as the first place in exam. 
I would try hard during this semester to beat them. Simply 'cause I want to prove myself. Because I noticed that some people were looking down on me.

Not that I give that much EFF though.

My happiness does not depend on anybody else.


So, I'm still in semester 2 now, I'm quite struggling, but thankfully so far I believe I managed my stress well.
One night I was so stressed so I stopped doing my work and started watching Hamtaro.
Realized that leaving childhood was my biggest hugest mistake.



If I could say anything about 2013...well, it has been the weirdest year.

One of those wonders in my blank.

I wonder..
have I met the person I am going to marry?

Because if I have..I don't feel so good about it because I don't think I have ever really loved any of my ex-boyfriends, and neither do I feel the sparkles whenever I see anyone.

Also, yes, I have crush on few people, mostly because of their physical.
I usually like guys because they are handsome, cute, or stylish and so on on.
Then I will start to notice everything about them.


But lately...there's this guy.
And he's just.......not handsome. He's gap-toothed and has this very Chinese look.
I rarely noticed him at first. But after a while I started to be attracted to him.
I get the feeling that he's a very good person, and somehow the attraction is very strong.
It's not like any other crushes I have had before, because those are the ones that I don't mind having and keep thinking about it.

But this guy, I feel like I seriously have to restrain.
At some point I think he's too good for me. At some other point I 'm just not his level. He may not even look at me as a 'possible option'.


Funny. 
Funny how I keep telling myself (before entering this sem) that I won't be having crush on any pretty guys anymore, and somehow I don't, but instead I'm falling so hard on this a-lil-bit-more-than-average looking guy.

Seriously, I hate it.
I want to live happily, for Gods sake!



Feelings are stupid, haih.

MEMO

these days i kept clicking 'create new post' about five times a day and ended up closing the tab without publishing anything.
it's like i have something in my mind that i really want to let out,
but somehow i can't express anything.
my head would go blank every time.


and now i'm posting this bullshit.


anyway. i always have the tendency of wanting to write something long at the wrong time.

like right now, since i'm home, i have nothing to write.
once i'm out, whether i'm in the car or walking somewhere else, i feel like i have to stop somewhere and write something at that exact moment.
if i wait until i'm home, i might lose all the details of what i want to write about.

so i write in my phone instead.
in the Memo.

eventually i have a lot of things written in there, mostly about what happened around me.
that's why i don't give my phone easily to anyone, and created a security screen lock.


i just don't share my feelings and thoughts with anybody.
i haven't found anyone who really cares to know anyway.


it's okay though.
LIFE IS LIVED ALONE.

the thing about karma is

I just realized that my last post and the one before it relates with each other.
Both were about getting married.
Is fate playing with me? Because..
Fate, it's not funny. I don't like this game.
You make me sad.
You took away one guy who I secretly admired for years and fooled me into thinking he was perfect so that I would fall deeply once I learned the truth.

*breakdown*

I don't think I've ever fallen in love with anyone.

But I once had fallen in almost-love with this guy, Wan. 

Today on FB I saw few pictures of him....getting married.

And I cried. I wept, wept, and wept as if someone so precious to me has been snatched away.
I was partially true; Wan was precious. But he was not snatched away.

He just made his choice.

I realized it. But still I can't force this tears to stop.
Feelings, I believe, is uncontrollable.
Just like I can't prevent my feelings to Wan, I can't stop this sadness that stabs through my heart like an arrow. This feels like a heartbreaking. Is this it?


On one of his picture, he prayed for this journey to be filled with happiness and blessings, and ended it with 'Amin..'

I was still crying with clenched teeth, shaky hands and head almost trembling because of the pain..
I slowly opened my mouth, gathered all my strength..and within the wind I whispered, "Amin"





'Even if I can't explain, this is how I feel..should I die?' -Leessang

why getting married

Marriage I think is probably the biggest commitment ever.
you have to be ready for everything that may surprise you
you may suddenly get pregnant
you can no longer flirt around
you may realize some things when it's too late
people know you have lost your virginity
you can never turn it back this time

you can never undo a marriage, neither ask for a new spouse
there is no warranty in a marriage

sure, everybody wants a happy marriage. a happy family.

but you see, the problem with me is that, 
I've seen and met too many unhappy people with unhappy marriages.
some are literally close to me, they're in my house.

I know how things work after you get married.

some are really lucky enough to marry their first loves but many aren't.

I've seen what would happen when we marry people we don't want to marry.

maybe we want to marry them at first but after few months or years or few kids the marriage is no longer the marriage we wished for when we were dreamers.


things change, of course, but it's too much of a risk.

it's the risk I'm not taking.
I'm saying this because honestly the one marriage in my house is seriously the unhappy one.
it affects me so much.

I may end up not getting married but that's okay because I have a lot in my mind of things I want to do before I die and probably won't even be fully done until I die.


so I'll be okay.
I'm just not into this marriage thing, it's just too risky.

Another day of an ignorant daughter

I have been very disappointed with myself lately.
Mostly I don't really have the clue of why I feel so, but the most recent stupid thing that I did was..


For the past few days my mom kept wanting to go out, and go out with me.
I'm sure she has her own reason, but I don't really feel like going out of the house because I'm such a freaking lazy couch potato (is it couch potato or potato couch)
And though I feel bad for keep saying 'no', I do it anyway.
Yesterday she asked me again to accompany her somewhere and  I didn't answer,
I just basically gave out a 'hmm~' which I thought she might have mistakenly took it as a 'yes'.

I went inside my room and after a while I went out and saw my mom were all dressed-up and ready; just waiting for me.

It felt like a burden, I was supposed to just go and didn't even have to think of anything
But instead I still refused to go.

She was just like 'oh..' and waited about half an hour more (I guess it was in case I changed my mind) before she drove out on her own.


About an hour later she came back.
She gave me my finished baju kurung that she picked up from our tailor

I felt so very sorry for not accompanying her I mean it was like the first time she ever asked me anything that way and what's worse was that it turned out she was actually only going to see the tailor

I mean
What's the big deal
Just follow her, you stupid
If you don't wanna come out of car just sit in there
She just needs someone to talk to along the way
And you're the only daughter

How much of an AH can you get!


This is just a simple story but i feel very disappointed with myself and God knows how hard I am trying not to spill my tears right now.





It's just one of those moments where I feel like I don't deserve my parents.

I'm sorry.

hasnt it?

It has been long since I last wrote anything,
hasn't it?


It has been officially declared that we broke up because you cheated,
hasn't it?


It has been too obvious that the blame on you and the shame on me,
hasn't it?







Life has moved on,
hasn't it?

pelajar semester 1

'I get the point that I should leave you alone
but we both know that I'm that strong..'


Hari ni, 20092013.
Tarikh terakhir untuk segala kelas untuk sem ni.

Minggu depan dah start study week (which is more like study days because only 2 days wehh!) and final exam starts on 25092013.


Not much time left, eh?
Will start to get serious from tomorrow on I promise you. *fingers crossed*



So. Sepanjang-panjang minggu ni..daripada kelas hari Selasa,
punya lah meliar mata aku mencari-cari.




Mana lah kau.


Hari ni aku tunggu shuttle bus lama nak mampos, last2 aku dengan geng terpaksa jalan kaki, panjat bukit sebab nak pergi hantar assignment yang dah terlewat 10 minit tu. Waktu last dia bagi sebenarnya pukul 12. 12. TENGAH HARI.



Aku punya ketiak dah basah siap boleh tadah dengan baldi kat bawah.





Lepas selitkan assignment kat bawah pintu sir, kitorang duduk terjelopok menghela sepanjang-panjang nafas
dekat atas lantai depan pintu bilik sir.




Turun tangga nak pergi kafe, aku nampak dia.



Dia yang aku cari-cari.



Aku pandang dia, dia pandang aku.
Lucu juga. Aku terasa seperti dipandang, lalu aku berpaling.
Mungkin dia juga merasakan seperti dipandang, jadi dia pun berpaling.




Barangkali sesaat. Barangkali sedetik cuma.

Sempat aku tersenyum dalam hati.



Kami sama-sama terhenti langkah, tapi tidak lama pun sebelum meneruskan semula.



Aku sambung menuruni tangga dan menuju ke kafe.
Capai air kotak Dutchlady perisa coklat, bayar, duduk.



Sembang-sembang bullshit dengan geng sambil mata merenung ke parking lot.




Haih..
Sem 1 ni berakhir dengan begini saja. 







Sepanjang sem ini hanya mampu bermain mata.

you might have felt this but this time it's me

I have come to this point in life

Where it feels like everything I have done, everything I have decided, and everything I have chosen until I reach where I am right now,
are wrong.


Everything I'm doing is wrong, all that I have decided is wrong and this path that I have chosen months ago is definitely not for me.


And everything and everyone around me keeps giving me signs that I should stop, just simply stop right here. It's late but not too late, so just stop at this moment.


It feels as if none is on my side anymore.


And my heart finally agrees with my head that I should stop, too.



I almost fall onto the ground and just let out the most regretful tears I have ever held in for the longest time.

........

And then I turn on the laptop and on my desktop wallpaper there's me in the middle and on my right I have Umi and on my left I have Abah. And above all I have Allah



and then every pieces just slowly seem to crawl back with a great deal of difficulty to become one again.




And it's really hard but with all kudrat I have I am trying. With all, literally ALL, that I have left.




I have the most precious people and Allah, and I am asking myself as I type this,








"How can I not realize all this while?"

Kehadapan yang tersayang, salam Aidilfitri...

Pagi tadi aku tidur. Aku mimpi aku drive pergi kelas. 
Kejadah pagi-pagi raya ada kelas?


Lecturer aku masa tu cikgu aku masa sekolah rendah, nama dia Ustazah Khadijah/Khatijah/Kadijah/Katijah.
Naluri aku kuat mengatakan masa tu sujbek CTU..Islamic Studies.


Kelas pukul 1030, masa aku tengah drive tu tak silap aku dah nak masuk 1130.
Pastu aku pun sampai kelas.
Sekejap je sampai dari rumah aku. Around 5 minutes camtu je.
Padahal in real life U aku kat Melaka kot. Aku lak kat Ganu.


Sesampai nya aku, aku masuk dan duduk kat depan sekali. Tiba-tiba beg aku sampai dulu daripada aku, pelik jugak. Beg aku dalam mimpi tu pulak beg kawan sekelas aku.


Pastu aku pun bangun dan bagi kunci kereta dekat abang aku.


Belum sempat aku saksikan kesinambungan dia, ayah aku ketuk pintu bilik aku. Tengok jam adalah dalam 1010 pagi.



Sekian, begitu lah ceritaku mimpi di pagi raya.




Tajuk takde kaitan, kan? Learned it from Metro.

Bunuh diri

Perasaan ini sama saja dengan rasa ingin bunuh diri.
Ingin tapi berdosa.
Aku sudah cukup berdosa, maka tidak mahu menambah lagi.
Sesungguh nya hanya kerana itu lah aku masih hidup.

Nampak macam aku tak nampak tapi aku nampak semua.

Aku lihat kini kau sepertinya bahagia dengan perempuan itu.
Perempuan baru.


Aku perhati pula perempuan itu.

Manis sungguh raut wajahnya.
Molek sungguh bahasanya.
Ayu sungguh pemakaiannya.


Selendang labuh.



Aku tersenyum.

Pastinya bukan senyuman paling bahagia pernah aku ukir, tapi senyuman paling redha.



Engkau sudah besar panjang, pasti engkau telah menilai dulu sebelum memilih dia.
Maka aku percayakan penilaian dan pilihan kau.



Setulusnya perasaan aku masih sama.
Tidak berubah walaupun sedikit.

Kerana hati itu tidak boleh dipaksa untuk melupuskan perasaan.






Maka, ya, perasaan aku masih sama.
Dulu aku mahu kau tahu akan hal ini.
Aku mahu kau sedar aku ada untuk menghentikan air mata mu.
Tapi sekarang cukuplah ia menjadi rahsia aku dan Allah sahaja.






Aku akan menjaga mu dari jauh.







Jika dia melukaimu.......................


Nanti.




Itu takkan berlaku.
Aku takkan benarkan.

Faker

Not much time left before I start studying again.



Will fake laughter again and again.


Oh it won't be that hard, I've been faking for two years.



Of course I can endure another year.

Ada apa dengan K-POP.

TAKDE APE.


Hmm another Tuesday.
I kinda like the fact that I'm anonymous..so I can set this blog as my diary and even if people who know me do view this blog, they have no idea I am the owner and knowing I can write any fucking things I want in here, makes it a lot better.

BTW I got offered for Foundation in TESL.

Maybe I'll accept it. Maybe not. But most probably I will.


I'm not really interested in teaching anything to anyone, not even a single person, what more a group of freaking annoying students, so accepting this offer is really a big thing.




I have my own dreams..and it's far from being a teacher or a lecturer.




But you see my mom says I kinda will be able to have a bright future if I just keep trying and hold on to it till the end, and that's what I'm doing. I'll just accept it, see where it takes me, and along the way, if I find that I like it, now that'd be perfect. If I still don't like it, I'll keep moving until the end. 

No turning back once I step in it.





My dreams? I will never stop chasing it.

Bodoh hidup ni.

Aku sebenarnya sangat terperangkap.

Sebagai seorang perempuan, pandangan orang lain terhadap aku akan menyerong 179 darjah kalau dengar aku memaki. Tak lah sampai mencarut, sebut kemaluan-kemaluan macam tu. Tak. Aku memang anti main sebut benda tu sume. Macam, natang. Beruk. Taik. 
Semuanya bawak maksud haiwan (binatang), seekor binatang daripada keluarga monyet (beruk), dan seekor lagi haiwan yang harus sertu jika tersentuh bahagian-bahagian tertentu padanya (babi).


Kalau ikut kan semua pun boleh sebut kan. Hmm. Bodo ar.


Maki dalam hati je lah aku ni.

Kalau cakap depan-depan mesti kata tak manis lah. Tak elok didengar la.



So just go to hell with that quote 'Just be yourself'. Bullshit semua. 
Kalau aku jadi diri sendiri aku dah lama pergi tarik sanggul Rosmah. Pastu offer tudung.


Dengki natang. 
Aku yang lagi muda pon rambut tak lebat camtu.

-----

Aku rasa sejak kebelakangan ni aku stressed pasal something la. Sebab tu sibuk nak marah maki marah maki sana sini. Tapi pasal apa ek.




Pasal Wan bengong tu kot. 




I'm that kind of girl who says 'I'm giving up on you' every night just to wake up the next morning giving him another chance -which of course, goes direct to the bin again.



Sekarang aku bodoh ke dia bodoh. Kadang-kadang memang ar cakap rugi kau bodo Wan ignore aku macam kulit makanan tepi jalan. 
Tapi masa lain bila fikir dalam-dalam tak guna tunggu dia lagi. Dah lama kot.
Tapi tetap jugak.


Bodoh betul la sepatutnya bagi penyepak free kat diri sendiri ni. Tapi camne ek nak sepak diri sendiri?



Bila tah nak berhenti jadi bodoh.
Sebenarnya bukan takde pilihan lain. Sumpah kalau aku paling muka dari Wan memang tak susah pun aku nak bagi peluang dekat orang lain tu. Tapi hati ngan otak ni bangang bengong! Tak nak kerjasama!



Bongok.




p/s: Aku nak update pasal hidup aku sebenarnya tapi bodoh amat menyimpang terus dari niat.

I'm not

I'm not one of them..certainly not.
I'll wait for you, you know.



I won't leave.

Pekerja bengkel: Pandangan yang tak berubah

Oh. Aku selalu rasa lelaki yang bekerja kat workshop, yang bekerja sebagai mekanik, yang baiki-baiki kereta tu, adalah sangat hot. Orang lain aku tak tau la macam mana.
Tapi dari dulu lagi memang aku rasa macam ni.

Entah la dari segi apa. Aku cuma rasa jeans yang koyak, dengan minyak hitam yang tercalit sikit-sikit kat jeans atau baju diorang tu betul-betul menampakkan ciri-ciri kejantanan.
Aku pun sangat suka tengok diorang masuk bawah kereta guna apa tah yang boleh slide-slide tu. 
Pastu bunyi ketung ketang spanar dan macam-macam lagi bunyi tools diorang.
Tak kira la masa mana pun. Masa keluarkan angin dalam tayar ke, masa bukak bonet depan ke, masa pasang tayar ke, semua lah aku tengok mengancam.
Dengan muka jantan nye pekerja-pekerja tu, wow aku rasa ni satu kerja yang betul-betul jantan ah!
Peluh pun peluh la. Sape tak berpeluh kan. Tapi peluh lelaki yang buat kerja macam tu lain sikit tau. Pada aku la. Umpamanya tu 'peluh sejati'.
Woih ada ke ha benda macam ni entah pe aku merapu ni tak cukup tidur ke semalam hah.



Lucky for me.........tepi kedai aku tu bengkel tempat mat-mat bengkel ni kerja! HAHA!




Patut la aku suka sangat kerja aku ni ek wahaha wth.

Rokok: Pandangan yang berubah.

Aku tak sangka sepanjang (baru) beberapa minggu bekerja dekat kedai makan ni, pemikiran aku berubah sampai macam ni sekali.

Aku sebenarnya sangat TAK BOLEH dengan yang namanya rokok tu.

Aku jadi marah sangat tiap kali ada pelanggan yang hisap rokok, which sucks, sebab waktu lunch tu hampir semua pelanggan lelaki wajib hisap rokok. Yang kerja pejabat, yang kerja buat jalan, yang kerja bawak lori, yang kerja jaga kedai, posmen-posmen, yang datang muka penat cam orang tengah nazak tunggu mati menjemput aje..sume la.


Hampir semua!


The thing is..lama-lama aku dapat faham kenapa diorang merokok.
Masing-masing penat dan letih gila. Tak campur lagi yang ada problem dengan boss. Yang stressed pasal masalah kerja yang tak sudah-sudah. Yang ada masalah duit.


Merokok ni lebih kurang macam relaxing and refreshing. From what I see la.
There's this one postman, setiap hari waktu tengahari mesti datang.
Aku rasa dia dah round banyak kot setiap pagi, hantar surat sana sini. Boleh nampak la muka dia letih.
Setiap kali lepas makan mesti keluarkan rokok. Habis sebatang baru gerak balik.


Entah la. Aku cuma rasa, kalau nikmat rokok boleh hilangkan sikit letih dan stres diorang pekerja-pekerja makan gaji ni, I say, go on.
Mungkin sebab aku sendiri yang bekerja 6 hari seminggu dan letih-letih tiap-tiap hari kot, jadi aku boleh faham.
Lain lah kalau yang masih sekolah lagi tu, entah apa la yang stressed sangat aku pun tak tau. Tambah-tambah yang sekaum ngan aku. Nak tunjuk gangster ke hape aku pun tak tau wat malu aku je lah!



Aku rasa kalau aku lelaki, aku akan merokok jugak setiap hari lepas kerja.
Harap aku ni perempuan je. Letih!! Kau ape tau! Mesti ada pelanggan mengadu lauk sama je hari-hari la, mengadu air lambat sampai, mengadu kenapa kena layan diri je, tak masuk lagi yang bab pelanggan tua yang miang nak cari anak dara nak jadikan bini kedua. Mata tu kalau boleh atas bawah kiri kanan nak menjalar. Tapi aku kena jugak layan sehabis baik, sebab, dia pelanggan!!


Kalau aku ni laki orang, balik rumah tu belum tentu bini aku nak urut badan aku.
Tah-tah siap complain pasal susah jaga anak hari ni, susah cari sayur, susah itu susah ini.
Susah si laki yang banting tulang cari nafkah nak sedia makan pakai keluarga?
Seumur hidup, aku rasa belum pernah ku dengar Abah merungut letih sebab kerja.
Padahal keletihan tu sangat jelas terpancar daripada raut dan garis-garis pada muka beliau.





Sebab tu..



Aku dah tak jadi marah tengok orang hisap rokok.

Realiti pekerja kedai makan.

Baru je lepas text bos, cakap hari ni tak masuk kerja.
Wow rasa macam heaven kot dapat buat camtu.


Sekarang tengah minum air Vico sambil menilik roti telur yang hangus.
Nak makan ke tak.


Ntah pape la hidup aku ni.

Kalau ye pun nak bebankan aku at least biar la aku dapat sarapan sedap sikit.

.........

Kalau aku masuk kerja..sekarang pada jam 0815 ni mestinya aku tengah membalik-balikkan ayam, daging dengan ikan kat atas pemanggang tu.
Lepas tu buang tulang ikan. Angkat ayam dengan ikan goreng. Lepas tu cuci bekas sikit.
Lepas siap goreng santan dengan isi-isi ikan tu, tumbuk pulak. Dengan lesung la bukan buku lima.
Then dah hampir sampai masa buka kedai, letak kerusi-kerusi dekat meja.
Lap semua meja, tukar air panas dalam tempat sudu dan garfu.
Kalau tisu habis, buka paket tisu baru.
Buka kedai. Buka je biasa nya terus ramai orang.

Awal-awal biasa nya ramai nak bungkus nasi dengan lauk dengan air je.
Nak bawak pergi tempat kerja rasanya.

Yang datang makan kat kedai awal-awal biasanya sekeluarga.

Bila masuk tengahari, baru la para pekerja datang.
Pekerja workshop, posmen, kerani, cikgu-cikgu, pekerja pasaraya, dan lain-lain.

Kebanyakan nya memang pelanggan tetap kedai ni.
Tiap hari kerja waktu lunch memang akan datang, sampai aku boleh hafal kot air yang diorang akan order.


Masa tu bermula kesibukan aku yang tak menyempatkan aku lap peluh sendiri pun.
Bagi makanan, bungkus makanan, buat air, hantar pinggan, bersihkan pinggan, lap meja.
Ulam habis, buat ulam baru. Sambal habis, keluarkan sambal baru.

Around 1500 pelanggan dah berkurang.
Masa tu la baru dapat solat Zohor. Sedih betul.
Solat tu terketar-ketar, lutut dengan kaki dua-dua sakit. Tak tertahan rasanya.

Turun je daripada bilik solat, sambung bersihkan meja-meja kotor.

Tunggu pelanggan terakhir pergi (kalau ada) pastu tutup kedai.
Bersihkan tempat lauk-pauk dan tempat nasi, hantar semua bekas-bekas ke dapur.
Lepas tu, apa lagi, takkan hantar je, basuh la sekali.

Next, sapu sampah dan 'habuk-habuk besar'. Keseluruhan kedai kena sapu.
Daripada bahagian depan sampai lah dapur tempat memasak.
Dah habis menyapu, isi baldi dengan Ajax dan bleach dan air panas, lalu mop.
Mop pun, of course, seluruh kedai.

Kerja terakhir adalah mencuci kain-kain kotor yang diguna untuk mengelap meja, pinggan, dan sebagainya.



Bila time mencuci apron, tu moment paling nikmat.
Because it means, after this I'm going home.


Letih urat dengan lenguh badan Allah je yang mengerti.
Kekadang tu sampai rumah je terus air mata aku berkolam.
Tapi aku tak benarkan walau setitis pun jatuh. 'Don't even try', I always said.






Duit tak datang sendiri.