you might have felt this but this time it's me

I have come to this point in life

Where it feels like everything I have done, everything I have decided, and everything I have chosen until I reach where I am right now,
are wrong.


Everything I'm doing is wrong, all that I have decided is wrong and this path that I have chosen months ago is definitely not for me.


And everything and everyone around me keeps giving me signs that I should stop, just simply stop right here. It's late but not too late, so just stop at this moment.


It feels as if none is on my side anymore.


And my heart finally agrees with my head that I should stop, too.



I almost fall onto the ground and just let out the most regretful tears I have ever held in for the longest time.

........

And then I turn on the laptop and on my desktop wallpaper there's me in the middle and on my right I have Umi and on my left I have Abah. And above all I have Allah



and then every pieces just slowly seem to crawl back with a great deal of difficulty to become one again.




And it's really hard but with all kudrat I have I am trying. With all, literally ALL, that I have left.




I have the most precious people and Allah, and I am asking myself as I type this,








"How can I not realize all this while?"